Poetry Corner

Goodnight

2011-01-18T21:29:00.000Z

This one was a hard one to write. In order to get into the right mindframe for it I would have to completely lose myself to it and when I did, It hit me so hard and then I would have to stop. It has taken quite some time for this one but I think I am finally happy with the outcome. Take a look:

You cry for my hand
I reach it out to you
You curl your fingers around mine
And I pull you close
Embracing your tiny form
I can feel your heart beat
Frail but still fighting.
Looking up at me
Pleading eyes
Exude a love so pure
So unconditional.
You trust that I will save you
Whatever saving means
You trust that I will save you
Bring an end to the pain
To the blackness, the dark
The total eclipse of your short life
Saving you means damning myself.
We are both vulnerable
Powerless.
A tear slowly falls
Peeling away each piece of me
Realisation without acceptance
An end is coming, it's here.
Never another beginning
Not for you, my child
My one, my only
My daughter.
Still you smile.
The warmest of smiles
A forgiving smile
And northern lights dance in your eyes.
They tell me, I must be strong
Like you are for me.
It’s been a long hard struggle
Knowing it’s fruitless, hopeless.
Yet we cling to each other helplessly
It’s just you and I
For whatever time remains.
I cry.
A cacophony of clicks
As machines fight for you
But your screams pierce the room
You’re begging me now
I know what I must do
Yet I can't press the button
"I'm tired mommy" you whisper
As you lay your head upon my chest.
So sleep my little darling
I know that you are weary
Rest your eyes so tired
We'll meet again my love
I'll see you in the next world.
The last breath is all too short
It's plucked from tiny lungs
Like my heart
Torn from my chest
Silence falls
You are gone.
Pain is my reminder
Of how I used to be
Whole, complete
And with that one last breath
That last goodbye
All that's left of me
Is wreckage

Twist of Fate

2011-01-17T23:21:00.000Z

Listen up love
I'll tell you a tale
About a guy and a girl
Who were destined to fail.
Destined to fail
Though destined to meet
T'was a strange twist of fate
That arrived at their feet.
Upon scanning the room
He had his heart set
On a girl he could see
And just hadn't met
Standing with friends
She had not a clue
That the smile she set loose
Would start something new.
Approaching her slowly
His mind on his prize
He imagined their future
When he looked in her eyes
Oblivious to love
Her eyes didn't see
The man that he was
Who he tried to be.
A meeting was forced
A bond soon created
They started as friends
Within weeks they had dated
Moving with haste
Their one became two
With being single
They both were through
They each fell in love
They both thought it true
But it was no happy end
It was all rather blue

New post, for a new year

2011-01-16T23:49:00.000Z

Wow, it's been a while since I have been here. I actually haven't abandoned the place. (sorry if you're disappointed).

Life has been pretty hectic and to get an idea of the mayhem involved, head on over and have a read at my other blog (http://intothewildhurricane.blogspot.com/) but now I am back and getting settled and finally picking up the serious writing again. I never really stopped, just didn't seem to get anywhere for a while but I am back. So this is just a quick hello and heads up to say, happy 2011 and also that there will be new stuff coming real soon... I hope, like me, you are looking forward to it.

Until then my freaky darlings, you can find me on http://www.facebook.com/cluelessbimbo and on http://twitter.com/clueless_bimbo come have a look and don't forget to say hello.

Ciao xx

A Work in Progress

2010-08-14T13:46:00.000+01:00

Suddenly
Sunrise shakes us
Hibernation, a dream.
Reality,
A disastrous darkness
Again you go and I
Don't want to love you.
Each morning I try
To break this
Noose you placed around me.
Without you, a minute or two
I'm tormented
Not sure I want to be free
Hold on to me
I can't take it, let go.
Frail, too fragile
In matters of the heart
I'm afraid that I am broken
In pieces you leave me
Daylight shines through
Shards of glass remains
If I had predicted this
I would have stopped it
At least I might have tried
But how do you stop the sun
Or force eternal night?
Midnight hour
Before morning breaks
I feel so happy
Fall freely
You catch me
Then comes the light
You leave
Feeling forgotten
Like you take it with you
To see you through the day
While on the floor I crash
The addict without a drug
Alone in this battle, a war
Heaven versus hell
If everyone could feel it
Would they embrace the day?
Maybe its just me
I don't know how to love
Maybe you can teach me
Will it consume me?
Is it something I can learn?
Will it just get harder?
If I don't try, will I die?
Why don't we start slow
Can't let go, I crave this
Misery
Remind me I'm alive
Melancholy
Tell me I'm not broken
Just unfinished

I'm your ghost

2010-06-27T00:39:00.003+01:00

Moving around you,
air so light, floating freely
an apparition is what I am
holding onto your life.
How is it that you can’t see?
I need you to
I refuse to say goodbye
But I know I can’t stay here
Not yet, I can cling a little longer
Before the light pulls me away
Don’t cry, don’t give in.
I reach out my hand to you
so softly, I trace your face
You stare blankly,
drawn deep inside your pain
I know you can’t feel me
But I swear I saw a change
Faint recognition, a question lingering
On your mouth, in your mind
Is it just my own hope I see?
Close my eyes, breathe in and focus
project my thoughts to you
Lean in to you and whisper:
Always my love, forever my heart
Not even death can tear us apart
I raise up my head and see your eyes bright
with that smile on your lips, I walk into the light

Siren Song

2010-06-21T21:23:00.000+01:00

You've got a hold on me
Enchanting, captivating, a siren
Voice of torturous heaven
Sweetest sound, alluring
Pulling me under, deep down
Reluctant, can't refuse, no choice
I tumble, spiral
Scared, it's out of control
Darkness envelops me,
Surrounded
can't hold my breath
Not strong enough.
Stop fighting, give in
Prepare for eternal night, death
But all I find is light
Love untainted
By confusion, madness, fear
I couldn't see it before
the past was my blindness
Then I heard you call me
My history erased
Memories wiped clean
Now every thing is clear
Who knew you'd be the one
The one to open my eyes,
make me see, make me feel

.... Alive!

It's all violence and Chess

2010-05-02T22:32:00.000+01:00

Grumpy but gorgeous
Is what you used to call me,
Look how the tide has turned
You're the one to snap,
Attack without motive
Short, spiky bursts of violence
Venom follows soft,
sweet bubbles of love.
We collide
I want to hide and I'm frozen.
This place where I stand, quicksand
Drowning me slowly, pulls me down
Me, the queen that's unprotected
You, the knight I always dreamed of
So I stay, play the game
Check mate
Defeat,
Tastes a lot like blood these days.
I make the same damn moves
Don't seem to have a mind,
Not one that's mine completely
It’s filled with your excuses,
my wishes for a brand new day.
A day to begin and end the same
No anguish, no pain, no surprises
Without your love that kills me.
It comes around again
This time let's begin with hate
Maybe you should start,
I'll play along
For now, just a pawn.
Remember the rules, keep my focus
Each time round, pick up a little more,
My turn is coming, pretty soon
It'll be over. Only one
Will survive this horror story
Either way,
I'm the winner, I'll be free
Now for one last time
Let's play!

Untouchable

2010-04-10T22:57:00.000+01:00

I find myself waiting
Just to hear your voice
Watch you walk in the room
A presence that steals my breath.
Imagine reaching out
Feel you, your skin
Your lips, locked with my own,
full of longing, hunger, desire
My pulse quickens at the thought
You've got my mind racing
No rationality, no reason
My feelings taking over
I try so hard to make a move
Attract your attention
You don't see me
Perhaps you don't care
Emotions exposed out on the table
An open book for all to read
To you, I'm invisible.
God, I'm so stupid sometimes
Baring my desire for all to see
Am I not enough?
What do I have to do? Name it
Anything for you, for your body
Your mind, your soul, I'm putty
For you to mould, sculpt me
Your instrument, your toy,
play me. Please
I need you, I'm spinning,
Control me, take me
I'm yours
How can you be so desirable
So vital to breathing?
When you're unapproachable, obscure
So untouchable
and so obviously uninterested in this girl

Wait for me

2010-04-10T22:47:00.000+01:00

I’m leaving tonight
My heart is already out the door
It’s been far too long without you
Phone calls don’t seem enough anymore.
I remember when things were easier
When you were there always
Yet I never appreciated you
Like I do now distance is between us.

As I wait for my car
I think back to times long gone
Imagine your face, your eyes
You told me you loved me that day.
I smiled without saying a word
For I had loved you long before
When we were friends
Only friends, nothing more.

The day I left was dark
How I wished I could be free
As I looked at you one more time
And whispered ‘wait for me’.
It’s been a long road I’ve travelled
I never thought I’d get through
But things can only get better
Now I’m on my way back to you

Hall of mirrors

2010-03-06T15:59:00.003Z

"Predators in a Maze" from the album 'Say no to the World' by LostAlone had me writing, writing, writing for hours and eventually, at some point during the night, the title of the song took on a whole new meaning in my head and this is the end result. So thank you to Steven, Alan and Mark for the inspiration through music... Enjoy!

Frozen,
a painting in time I stand
here, stretched across the room,
these mirrors speak the truth.
Showing times long gone, forgotten,
Unwanted, unwelcome visions
before me.
Blood, slaughter, ungodly acts
Moving movies of my past. Tormented
Tortured, remnants of my soul
scream, please, take them away
Someone release me, save me
From myself, but am I the one to fear?
Am I doomed to this repetition?
Every way I turn I see it,
I don't deserve mercy or forgiveness.
I've done unspeakable things.
I should be beaten, burned, sentenced to die.
But I remain, the ruin of an assassin
Cursed, condemned, forced to stay
Given a conscience, eternal damnation
I walk alone, lost and forlorn.

Hold on

2010-02-02T21:59:00.000Z

I sit here, gazing out my window
Watch the wind, it shakes the trees,
Try to suppress this memory
Of me crashing to my knees.

I stare in hopeful pretence
That you’re on your way back home,
But Inside I have this feeling
That you are really gone.

I fantasize that we’re together
Your loving arms around me tight,
Not here, alone and crying
Recalling that dreadful night.

Why, why couldn’t you listen?
Hear me calling you to stay,
Just thirty seconds longer
You’d still be here this day.

I fear these nights without you
I need to see and touch your face,
To have your lips on mine again
To sink in your warm embrace.

I don’t want to face this reality
I’m just not ready to say goodbye,
There is no life, no hope without you
I’m not even going to try.

Hold on babe I’m coming
I’m leaving this world with you,
Life means nothing, not anymore
I don’t think I’ll make it through.

Only one thing I need remains
So cold, this dagger in my hand,
My writing is on the table
This, the only thing to go as planned.

Close my eyes and raise my remedy
I no longer feel the pain,
I smile with tear drenched eyes
And I wait for my blood to drain.

Liberation is a dream

2010-01-28T21:18:00.000Z

Tired
Beaten and broken down,
You get your way every time.
No matter how hard I try,
How much I fake a smile,
I can never please you
I'm never enough.
I wear my hair one sided
In hope no-one will see
That they’ll avert their eyes
To these scars, this blood,
You've left on me.
Still I cannot hide it
Cannot scrub it off
It wears me like an accessory
A scarf for all to see.
Little by little
Piece by piece
You tear from me
But still I cannot cry,
I have no tears
For what you've done to me,
This will never end
This nightmare by my side
Unless I take control
Find a strength,
Some courage to walk
More fear to stay
Instead it’s other way around.
‘Cos deep inside I know you
You'd never give up searching
Hunt me like an animal
So here I remain
Vulnerable and unprotected.
But you cannot take my dreams
My silent ambition to break away
They hide beneath the surface
Some place where I'm free
In another life perhaps
Where we have never met
And the broken one is you.

Interlude

2010-01-27T22:31:00.003Z

I thought I'd create a little mid point, a little change of pace, where instead of yet another poem, I thought I'd answer some things that people have asked me (an insight into the mind of me). Yeah I know, scary thought huh?

First, for all those enquiring minds... yes I am still writing, little by little, slowly it is coming along. Time is very rare these days to actually sit down and spend a chunk of concentration on 1 thing. Working full time and studying a new course that is (for lack of a better word) alien to me means that my spare time is pretty much non-existant until I get into the swing of things again. I will have more new stuff up though as soon as I possibly can.

I have noticed over the course of the past few months that a lot of my writing is very dark and troubled. This is just simply what comes to me when I watch people. Using public transport everyday gives me an excellent opportunity to analyse people's actions and study what lies in their eyes. (A favourite hobby of mine I guess) Sometimes I will see pain in someone's eyes and my brain just jumps into action. Within seconds I can have a background story for why that is and then out comes the trusty little blackberry to note down what I am thinking. Then before I know it, I have twisted and turned the words out of nothing and there is a poem there.

So when you see yet another dark and twisted poem or random thought, they are not always motivated by what is in my own mind but they do come from somewhere real in me. I understand and know those thoughts and feelings because I wouldn't recognise it in someone else if I hadn't felt it at least once myself.

So now you know and I bet you are glad you asked haha

Secret Power

2010-01-17T00:31:00.000Z

Switch it on, turn it up
Feel the juice consume me
Flash a smile, that’s it I’ve got you
No way for you to break free.

It’s not clear to anyone
Invisible to the naked eye,
It all comes naturally now
I won’t even have to try.

Give it all that I possess
Aim it all toward you,
Take it in, don’t try to fight
There’s nothing more you can do.

See that wall around you
Feel it crashing down,
As this passion takes over
And together we will drown.

Visions

2010-01-12T23:24:00.002Z

I've been talking in my sleep
Gone back to how I used to be
disturbing my nights, these visions
haunting my dreams, this confusion
Hopeless and troubled, peace can't find me.
Battling these demons, I’m fighting
They're dragging me under, I’m tired
Losing myself to this curse, defeated
Become a stranger in my mind, my body
No breath, no feeling, no existence
Left here, to burn, to linger
fading each day, I vanish

Something to believe in

2010-01-07T22:27:00.002Z

Have faith, believe
No matter what life throws your way
Just rise, take a step
You can achieve your dreams
Open your eyes
See the little things that are there
Open your heart
Feel your way around you
Do what you wish
Make this life yours
Touch base, grow wings
Reach heights unknown
Know yourself
You can do it all and more

The failed plan

2010-01-03T14:29:00.004Z

Have you ever taken the time to think about what you got out of your previous relationships? I must admit I never really gave it much thought until recently. At some point these relationships are such a huge part of our lives, but when they end, we tend to just do whatever it takes to move on to the next chapter of our lives without ever thinking about the things we gained from these people we have crossed paths with many moons ago.

Take me for example, each of the people I have been entangled with; in some way or another; has had an influence on some part of me. Of course not all relationships were positive but if you look hard enough and as objectively as you can, you can always find something good to take from them.

My most recent relationship; as it turned out; was based on lies and deceit, yet I am thankful. Thankful that I had to go through; what I can only describe; as one of the most tumultuous and painful experiences in my life. Without having gone through it, my life wouldn’t be the same. I truly believe, I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now.

I want to say this to ‘him’, you know who you are, I want to thank you. By hurting me, you made my life an absolute dream.

So my point in all this is:

When people decide upon a course of action, it is because of who they are. Be it good or bad, their path is set by their nature. What they don’t consider or expect, is who you are!

What can we do?

2010-01-03T02:09:00.000Z

I’m trying so hard to make you see
This dysfunction between you and me
No longer can we continue this way
Something has to change
Someone has to fold
Make a choice babe, what’s it gonna be?
Perhaps we need a break
Maybe I should leave
I can’t stand this fighting
When all I want is to love you
Let’s take a stand together
Save ourselves from the pain
And do whatever it takes.

I wish I stayed

2010-01-02T00:00:00.001Z

Tears trickle down my face
As I walk away, head down.
Thoughts, fears and regrets
Rush through my mind.
Don’t know what to do with my hands
My feet follow an unknown path,
Who knows where I’ll end up this time.
I never wanted to leave
But you really left me no choice,
We were going nowhere
Just like I am now.
I’m afraid, but I look back
I see your face and I ache
It’s too late to take it away.
I hear you calling, pleading
‘Stay’ you say and I want to
But pride is my lover now,
It’s over, this is the end.
Still, my heart and soul
Are where you are,
I’m lost without them
I whisper to myself...

'I wish I stayed’.

Where once I was blind, now I can see!

2009-12-31T19:33:00.005Z

Let us take a moment to think about the past year.

When 2008 came to an end and 2009 began, my life was in a completely different place. It wasn't the happiest of places. It was bitter, fearful, sad and delusional at times but 2009 saved me.

January began and I found it difficult to be myself. Afraid to let people know me. I had allowed 2008 to beat me down and make me feel inadequate but then February arrived and suddenly, a new breath of life came my way. Of course, it was slow to start but I fought my way through dark thought after dark thought and eventually I burst through the other side, victorious and able to show my true self. The year continued moving onward and upwards and with my new sense of freedom, confidence, hope and positivity I achieved so many wonderful things.

Although 2009 has been a challenging year for many; myself included; with so many sad memories. I cannot help but be thankful. Thankful for all the trials and struggles that were thrown my way, grateful for everything that I have had the opportunity to learn. It is because of everything that has happened, that I have found a strength and belief in myself and it is because of this that I know, 2010 has the potential to be the biggest and best year yet.

The sum of 2009 for me is about all of the fantastic people; who I now call friends and family; that I have had the pleasure to meet and get to know. Each of these people, in their own way, save me each and every single day and whether they understand it or not, I will be eternally thankful for having them in my life.

So to all those people: the artist, the comedian, the underdog, the faithful, the hopeful, the brave, the courageous, the loving, the caring, the rebel, the square peg in the round hole and the downright wacky... I bow to you now. I appreciate all that you are and will hold each of you in my heart always.

And to people who made this all possible: Shannon, Jared & Tomo. I thank you for all that you have given me, the music, the experiences but most of all, the family that I am a part of. A family that inspire me everyday, because with them, anything is possible.

So here's to a Happy New Year, to a healthy and loving 2010 filled with everything we could ever wish for. We will meet again on Mars, the first chance we get xx

Seasons change

2009-12-30T22:41:00.000Z

So here we are,
Time has strained us both
We stand here,
Changed forever
With every season long gone.

Has enough time passed?
Are we able to forgive?
Pain shows in our eyes,
Do we turn and walk away?
Leave this all behind

Do we fight this?
Struggle through the torment,
Battle away the tears
Or do we let them linger?
Stain our faces for all to see.

What use is there in fighting?
We don't remember what it's for.
You say you’re strong enough
But is that enough?
Has too much changed?

Where do we go now?
Who will make that call?
For the first time we are unified
As uncertainty surrounds us both
Seasons change, did our love change too?

You can have it all

2009-12-28T14:16:00.001Z

Dare to dream,
To hope, to pray.
Dare to have faith
With each passing day.
Dare to speak,
To hear, to see.
Dare to feel,
To love and be free.
Dare to think,
To laugh, to cry.
Dare to wonder
To trust and to try.
Dare to wish,
To want, to achieve.
Dare to be mad,
To care, to believe.

Dare it all, take a chance and dream it to life

Time for the fog to clear

2009-12-26T13:54:00.001Z

It's that time again, the time where we all make new promises to ourselves that this year will be better, that this will change and that will change etc. But what do we do with the person we have been shaping ourselves into for the past 12 months and the 12 months before that?

When the New Year arrives, do we forget all about what we said last year? Do we start again, making new promises to ourselves or should we carry the promises from previous years and work on them and improve them?

Perhaps it's time to clear the fog from the old, get rid of the memories that have haunted us and with the discarding of bad, painful memories perhaps we will have room for new, joyful memories. Isn't that what it's all about anyway? Starting anew? Making amends and giving ourselves a blank canvas to construct our year?

We don't need to shape ourselves into a new person, just be who we are because we all have something unique inside of us, we are all special... Perhaps New year is the time for us to see and embrace that.

"We will make a brand new start

From the pieces of our hearts

The break of day is before us"

Alter Bridge ~ Brand New Start

The voices inside

2009-12-20T13:40:00.000Z

He's lost, confused
Has no-one to call, no-one to care.
He's searching, praying
For things he does not believe in.
He's breathing, in and out
Trying to control the angst.
He listens to voices, whispering
'You're no good, you deserve nothing'
Ripped apart and torn inside, yet...
He's living, surviving
Day by day.

Stars that shine

2009-12-20T00:14:00.000Z

I read something once that intrigued me from 'Dancing the Dream' by MJJ and it was:

'What does a star do when it quits shining?'

So I asked people and most of them said: 'It dies' and although it's a star, and we rarely give that much thought, I still found that quite sad. But then a friend, said: 'But there is a place where stars are born.' I must admit, as silly as it seems, I smiled at this thought. For if there is this place, then we need never be without stars. Now whenever I look up at the night sky, I have that thought in my mind and it gives me some kind of peace for I cannot imagine looking upwards and it just being blank, no stars, just nothing. Can you?

Stay with me

2009-12-17T23:00:00.000Z

Visiting hours are over, so I'm stuck here with my pain
Looking out the window, staring at the pouring rain.
I've only got a week left, and it better be real good
The doctors have been good to me, they've done all that they could.

I only wish I had more time, so I could fulfil all of my dreams
But I guess that God has chosen me, at random, it seems.
I ain't got no questions to ask him, and I dont want to know why
I only wonder where heaven is, if it's up there in the sky.
I'm sure that I'll be happy there, I'm sure that I'll have fun
I'm sure I'll grow to love it but I know I'll miss everyone.

Time is catching up quickly and I've been told to say goodbye
Im not ready to leave yet but I wont let it make me cry.
I'm finding it so hard, to let it all go
I'm packing my bags, but the one thing I know...

I'll no longer be alone!

Born to fight

2009-12-15T00:47:00.002Z

They say we walk alone, that all humans are destined to walk alone. Sure, we cross paths with other people on our journey, we bond, we share lives with those we choose but we still walk alone.

Sometimes I feel alone. All the millions of people in this world with me yet I am one soul bound to this mortal coil ordained to see, hear, feel but never to truly connect with another, to stroll as a single being on this earth. Am I doomed to this? Can I change that if I wish it? I would like to think so.

Each of us has our moments of intimacy with another, each of us has touched another life but when we are facing our darkest moments, we all inevitably stand alone looking for a way out, trying to fight that which we cannot see, that thing that haunts our fears, dreams and memories.

So what can we do about it? Should we ignore it, pretend that of this, we know nothing? That is what some choose to do and continue to saunter through life never facing the truth. But; there are some; some people, some truly amazing people who face it and know that it can be beaten. They fight everyday and begin to spread the courage and valour that they have shown to those they meet.

I want to be one of those people, struggling with the same weaknesses but standing up to them, facing them, choosing to fight the darkness. Which will you be?

So many questions

2009-12-14T00:46:00.001Z

They say “The heart wants what the heart wants” but what if your heart does not know? What if it is your mind that is confusing every thought and feeling swirling around inside you? How do you distinguish between the two? Is it possible or does guessing and hoping take its place?

“Time heals old wounds” they say, but what if it doesn’t? What if those old wounds, through time, just manifest into something new, something more powerful and dangerous?
So many questions but how can I answer them all? Do they even have answers?

Lately I have been having trouble sleeping. I have so much running through my mind and I cannot make it quiet. I miss the stillness that I used to know, just now it feels so busy and I am struggling. How can you make peace when you do not know what you are fighting?

How do you quiet a mind so busy, when the door has been removed, allowing those thoughts to run freely? I wish I knew how to answer my questions, I wish I knew how to find peace again. To feel and know somehow that everything will be okay. Maybe it is my faith and belief that is failing and maybe that is what I should be searching for.

When the time comes that we are tested, there are these magical and powerful things that we are supposed to carry around with us like love, hope and trust. These things are meant to help and see us through, to give us the strength to continue through each day even when it is difficult and it feels like all is lost. Do these things exist in me or have I closed that door whilst I have been trying to quiet the anguish inside?

What happens when all your thoughts, fears and emotions take over? It becomes a constant struggle to survive. An inner turmoil that threatens to overpower you at every turn. Is it stoppable? Can it be fought alone or do you then have to call on those magical and powerful things, long since forgotten to see you through?

I wish I had all the answers. I wish I could say that it is all going to be okay. I wish I could say these things but I can’t. I have closed the door to the room that holds these things and I am afraid that door will never open again.

Lost forever?

2009-12-13T01:13:00.001Z

What happened to us all? What became of those plans and dreams we have for ourselves? When you're a teenager, you have all these thoughts and ideas about your life. The things you want and imagine for yourself.

Where did it all go?

Do we lose ourselves when life takes our innocence or does growing up, becoming an adult, warp those dreams forever? Forever lost, never to be recovered, whilst allowing us to dream anew about things that eventually become lost in the darkness of night.

Trials and tribulations...

2009-12-13T01:04:00.001Z

Trials and tribulations and all the things we endure, new trouble, new feelings, a new consciousness, Everyday make me appreciate what you are, what you mean to me, so varied our daily lives, we excite one another....
Rousing looks, inspiring conversation, electrifying kisses, not once, not ever, becoming lifeless or tedious. With fire we gaze, with meaning we listen Ever yearning, longing to hear three words, still unspoken....
Believing them sincere and unconditional eternally. Incessant exchange of words, thoughts, feelings without obstacles, they cascade increasingly travelling freely, boundless, limitless and vast!

A never ending fray

2009-12-13T00:59:00.000Z

When did life become a struggle…
To just get through the day?
When did it have to be…
A never ending fray?

Disaster strikes and you just know
Things will never be the same,
Instead of perfect happiness
All you feel right now is pain.

Darkness then takes over
No longer light of day,
Although they try to help you
There’s nothing they can say.

You know just how it happened
You go over it in your mind,
You never stop searching
You can’t leave it all behind.

Fear it can consume you
It can make you act real strange,
If you realise what it’s doing
It’s possible for that to change.

If you can make the choice
You can battle it away,
If it’s so important
Wouldn’t you fight it everyday?

30 Seconds to Mars - This is War review

2009-12-13T00:43:00.000Z

Lyrically mesmerising and highly poetic, this spellbinding album; from the 1st listen; will bore its way into your mind and even further into your soul and leave you panting, wanting more and more. The haunting and breathy vocals of Jared are enough to leave you feeling slightly hypnotized but completely captivated. Shannon’s drumming is a masterful work of art, pulsating through to your very core. Tomo is also at a high with some of the most energetic and dynamic guitar you could ever wish for in a 30 Seconds to Mars album.

I absolutely love the 3rd Album and I am so pleased to have them back on the music scene and this album just shows everyone exactly what we have been missing.

Escape (Short and oddly sweet. Still cannot get into the chorus of 'This is war' at the end though)

Night of the Hunter (There is something rough, grim and; dare I say what some people are afraid to say; sexual about it that makes me love it, I also like the remix which is quite unusal and I normally hate remixes)

Kings and Queens (I prefer to hear this live now so the album version gives me nothing anymore. Dont get me wrong, it's a great track but its kind of anti-climactic after you hear it live)(The remix of K&Q however, i just dont understand one bit)

This is War (Again, i prefer it live but listening to the album version still makes me smile, except when it cuts off if you are listening on shuffle)

100 Suns (its ok, its a bit boring now. I think its been a bit overplayed)

Hurrikanye (this one was the shocker to me, I loved it. I even like Kanyes part and considering I do not like him that much I am surprised how much I love him in this track. However I also love the album verson of Hurricane too)

Closer to the Edge (at first I wasnt sure about it, but its damn catchy and therefore after 3 listens, i was hooked)

Vox Populi (I really like this, but during the far far away part I cannot help but think of baywatch... someone mentioned it and now its in my head everytime i hear it lol)

Search and Destroy (this is one of the ones that i wasnt too sure about at first but like CTTE, its way too catchy so I cannot help but like it now)

Alibi (absolutely love it. I think it helps that I am in a bit of a weird place in my life just now and this song just seems to hit the right notes lyrically and does it perfectly)

Stranger in a Strange Land (Love this track, its weird just how I like it )

L490 (I really couldnt get into this at first but love it now although the monks at the end, still freak me out - it makes me wanna run and hide. Not sure I'll be able to get over that)

At night...

2009-12-13T00:33:00.000Z

Have you ever woken from one of those dreams that bleed into reality and just not been able to shake of the uneasy, creepy feeling you are left with? It happens to me all the time and just when I settle down enough to get tired again, my mind begins to race. It's then that I have to turn that light back on, and write until I can no longer think. This is the result of one such night...

What Dreams May Come

In the deep and dark
dead of night,
when all the world
has lost it's light...
What dreams may come?

Lock all the doors
into bed I creep,
close my eyes
drift off to sleep...
What dreams may come?

Limitless and vast
or riddled with fear,
before I go
it won't be clear
What dreams may come...

Fangirls

2009-12-13T00:25:00.000Z

I was inspired to write this one night when I was in Kyte. There were some very insane crazy people in there (what we call... fangirls) this came to mind.
What I actually find funny about this piece is that after I had written it, I found myself sympathising with the subject of the piece, who is so caught up in that world and has no way of controlling it (either because she doesn't know how or because she doesn't want to control it) People look down on her and people make fun of her... see for yourself

The Fangirl

There she sits impatiently
Biting her nails,
As she struggles to contain her desire.

She talks to people, tries to explain
But no-one understands,
Instead they mock her.

They don't realise, she is trapped,
Caught in an ever-expanding web
Its taken hold, but she will deny it.

At night she dreams
Obtaining the object she wants,
She craves it. It has to be hers.

She was once the innocent
But now she has turned
Unpredictable and dangerous, like a tidal wave.

They stay away, avoid the fallout
So she is alone, with only her dream
Can no-one help her? Is it too late?

The Road Not Taken

2009-12-12T21:18:00.000Z

The road not taken is the one that always gets you. It has you thinking and wondering if what you have chosen was right for you. How can you decide if it was? Will you manage to decide before it is too late? Everyone feels this way at some point in his or her life. Not everyone is given a second chance. It does not matter which road you chose - even if you feel completely confident with your choice - that other road will always make you question or even regret your decision.

My two critical roads arrived at a time when it was necessary for me to make another change in my life, even though I may not have realised it until the day it happened. Never has either of my choices presented me with an easy option. However, I discovered my second choice was more complicated than my first. It has been the most challenging road that I have ever had to follow and one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made. Not only has it been filled with uncertainty, it has often left me troubled and tormented. Still, I pursue it because there is no way I can possibly turn back.

It first began when my father, who should have been very close to me and should have known better, told me something that never - no matter how hard I try - can be forgotten. This event caused me a great deal of sorrow and distress for many years and being of a young age, I did not know how to deal with it. Just when I thought I had cried myself out of tears, along came my solution; two roads, offering me solace. I knew exactly what to do. I decided it was best to choose the path I thought would enable me to ignore it, get on with my life without him in it. This was not as easy as I imagined and this certainly was not what happened. Instead, I became filled with such immense fury and resentment that I was almost consumed by it. As a result, it shaped my life and it did not matter who was on the receiving end of my mis-placed anger. If this would protect me from getting hurt again, then, so be it.

One day, several years later, I was given tragic news of a death in our family. I knew then, I would have to face my father whom I had been blaming my anger on all these years. How was I going to cope with seeing him again after all this time? Was I going to be able to hold back all my unresolved feelings? Knowing that meeting him was inevitable; I prayed, everyday, for the courage and strength that I was undoubtedly going to need to make it through such an arduous and traumatic day.

Meeting him in the graveyard, vulnerable and distraught, the same two roads were presented to me. One would allow me to continue with my previously chosen path up until this point. The other was offering me the chance to change many things in my life including myself. How was I supposed to make such an important decision in my emotional state? And would it be the right one? Realising that I may never get the opportunity again, I took a long, deep breath, made my choice and - with my head full of unanswered questions - I started down that long, uncertain road.

Only then by choosing my previously disregarded road, was I given the opportunity to truly move on without anger or resentment holding me back. This, of course, meant I finally had to forgive my father whom I believed, never deserved my forgiveness before. However, I had to try. How else was I ever going to be able to move on with my life?

Wherever this road leads me, I will always imagine the road I left behind wondering if I made the right choice after all. I struggle with my decision everyday and still, cannot say for sure if my decision was the correct one. Sometimes, when things get difficult, I wish I could run back to that moment and start again.
Unfortunately, everyone has to go through something similar at one stage in his or her life. We all face difficult decisions. Sometimes we make the right choice; sometimes we do not. If we are lucky enough, we are given a second chance. As it turned out, I was one of those lucky ones. However, you may not share my good fortune. In the end, how you make your choice is up to you but let me ask you this, if you could go back and choose the road not taken, would you really be any better off?

A new beginning... my letter to you

2009-12-11T21:06:00.003Z

I was reading one of my favourite books the other day; I pick it up from time to time and read a chapter or two; it always makes me think about where I want to be in life and how good my life is at times. It is a book about Jean Paul Sartre and Simone De Beauvoir and the life that they spent together. They were (just in case you don’t know) this legendary couple. Existentialist philosophers / writers who met by chance at the Sorbonne in Paris. Anyway this book is about their lives and loves and the letters that they used to write to each other whilst they were apart. You see, they had pledged to be together forever and believed that they were soul mates but had accepted that each of them should be allowed to be with whomever they wanted because he did not want to get married. Now I know you are probably thinking... “So…” Well it just got me thinking about how back in those days and through wars, how people used to communicate with friends and loved ones. They could only communicate through letters and had no way of knowing if their words would reach the other person and if they would get a response. That must have been really terrible to have that on your mind as you are writing to someone. How on earth did they handle it? These people must have been so strong and have so much faith. It is extraordinary really. Now take us for example, our generation. We have been completely spoiled by all the technology that we have around us now. Mobile phones, computers, internet, if we lost it all many of us would not know what to do; the word doomed comes to mind. Even me, I am writing you a letter but I am using a computer as it is so much simpler than actually putting pen to paper plus it is tidier than my handwriting. A little bit of OCD coming out I think Lol. Well, that’s my little rant over with. ‘Thankfully’ I hear you say.

Ok so what else do you talk about in a letter? Theoretically I can say whatever I want to say and there is not a lot you can do about it. Can you class a letter as a conversation? It is a little more like a soliloquy, there is an audience and you are speaking to them directly but they are not involved in what it is that you are saying. I guess I probably put too much thought into things at times. I actually found a few documents on my computer today that were simply labelled… ‘Thoughts’ So I had a little read through them, it was kind of nice to remember what was going through my mind at specific points in time. Like keeping a diary but only writing in it when you had something notable to say that you could not tell anyone. These things that I wrote were completely personal and significant to how I felt at the time and therefore no person on this planet has ever read them.

In this life, we all want to make some sort of lasting impression so that we are not forgotten after we are gone. I guess that is why some people seek fame and fortune and others choose a life like Mother Theresa’s. We all want someone to remember us whether we know it or not. Yet, here I am, a completely private person who has all this stuff to say but never really says any of it. I can write everything down and hide it away and never let anyone see it but in order to have lived a life worthy of living, we must not allow our insecurities and fears to rule over us. So here it is… a continual little excerpt of private thoughts and emotions that I am forwarding into the world through you. This is completely unprecedented for me you know, I just figured that since I am writing to you I would make it worthwhile and not all just rubbish chatter.

So there you have it… the weird, the silly and the serious. Now I am thinking that I have probably bored you enough and should perhaps let you get back to whatever you were up to. I hope that you have enjoyed a little trip into my strange little mind and that it does not mess you up completely too

A little piece of history...

2009-12-11T20:12:00.002Z

I have been writing for years and years and... (well you get the point) I thought I would share a little piece of my writing history with you just to kick things off. So I have decided to share with you one of my favourite pieces of writing in all the years I have been doing this. I wrote this on 02/07/2001 and it's about a subject which everyone has an opinion on... Abortion. I chose to write this from the mind of the unborn child and it kinda made it more real to me that way... you decide for yourself though...

Mummy Please (02/07/01)

Mummy please I beg you to think before you act
Please mummy please, consider every fact.
Mummy please I'm sorry, for making you feel sick,
Mummy please I promise, to make it better quick.

Would it make a difference if you were in a better mood?
Would you reconsider, if I swore that I'd be good?
Mummy won't you listen, to what I try to say?
I know that you can feel me, you say so everyday.

Mummy please I sense it, reaching in for me
Mummy please I'm frightened, of what it's going to be.
Mummy please I feel it, tearing me away,
I know that I have scared you and now I'm going to pay.

I feel the end is near now, it's out of my control,
I've been on my best behaviour but I don't get parole.
Please mummy please, I can hear you cry
Why wont you stop them? I don't want to die.

Mummy I want to tell you
That no matter what you do,
I will always love you
If only you had loved me too... goodbye

So now that you have read it, and probably realised which side of the fence my opinion sits... where do you stand with the subject?

A little introduction

2009-12-11T19:47:00.001Z

Welcome to my universe.

I bet you are excited already...

Just a very short introduction to introduce you to my mind, full of incessant ramblings and mindless chatter haha just kidding. Seriously though, this here is a first for me. I always insisted on never sharing what comes to mind, the creative or non-creative part of it but since I am a girl, I am allowed to change my mind anytime I want and there is nothing you can do about it haha

What you will find throughout this 'thing' will be completely at random. It could be creative... stories, poetry or letters etc or it may just be thoughts I have in my head and decide to share.

So that's it from this little intro. I hope you enjoy and laugh, get mad or whatever you want when you read this... Just stay true to you!