So many questions

They say “The heart wants what the heart wants” but what if your heart does not know? What if it is your mind that is confusing every thought and feeling swirling around inside you? How do you distinguish between the two? Is it possible or does guessing and hoping take its place?

“Time heals old wounds” they say, but what if it doesn’t? What if those old wounds, through time, just manifest into something new, something more powerful and dangerous?
So many questions but how can I answer them all? Do they even have answers?

Lately I have been having trouble sleeping. I have so much running through my mind and I cannot make it quiet. I miss the stillness that I used to know, just now it feels so busy and I am struggling. How can you make peace when you do not know what you are fighting?

How do you quiet a mind so busy, when the door has been removed, allowing those thoughts to run freely? I wish I knew how to answer my questions, I wish I knew how to find peace again. To feel and know somehow that everything will be okay. Maybe it is my faith and belief that is failing and maybe that is what I should be searching for.

When the time comes that we are tested, there are these magical and powerful things that we are supposed to carry around with us like love, hope and trust. These things are meant to help and see us through, to give us the strength to continue through each day even when it is difficult and it feels like all is lost. Do these things exist in me or have I closed that door whilst I have been trying to quiet the anguish inside?

What happens when all your thoughts, fears and emotions take over? It becomes a constant struggle to survive. An inner turmoil that threatens to overpower you at every turn. Is it stoppable? Can it be fought alone or do you then have to call on those magical and powerful things, long since forgotten to see you through?

I wish I had all the answers. I wish I could say that it is all going to be okay. I wish I could say these things but I can’t. I have closed the door to the room that holds these things and I am afraid that door will never open again.