Goodnight

This one was a hard one to write. In order to get into the right mindframe for it I would have to completely lose myself to it and when I did, It hit me so hard and then I would have to stop. It has taken quite some time for this one but I think I am finally happy with the outcome. Take a look:

You cry for my hand
I reach it out to you
You curl your fingers around mine
And I pull you close
Embracing your tiny form
I can feel your heart beat
Frail but still fighting.
Looking up at me
Pleading eyes
Exude a love so pure
So unconditional.
You trust that I will save you
Whatever saving means
You trust that I will save you
Bring an end to the pain
To the blackness, the dark
The total eclipse of your short life
Saving you means damning myself.
We are both vulnerable
Powerless.
A tear slowly falls
Peeling away each piece of me
Realisation without acceptance
An end is coming, it's here.
Never another beginning
Not for you, my child
My one, my only
My daughter.
Still you smile.
The warmest of smiles
A forgiving smile
And northern lights dance in your eyes.
They tell me, I must be strong
Like you are for me.
It’s been a long hard struggle
Knowing it’s fruitless, hopeless.
Yet we cling to each other helplessly
It’s just you and I
For whatever time remains.
I cry.
A cacophony of clicks
As machines fight for you
But your screams pierce the room
You’re begging me now
I know what I must do
Yet I can't press the button
"I'm tired mommy" you whisper
As you lay your head upon my chest.
So sleep my little darling
I know that you are weary
Rest your eyes so tired
We'll meet again my love
I'll see you in the next world.
The last breath is all too short
It's plucked from tiny lungs
Like my heart
Torn from my chest
Silence falls
You are gone.
Pain is my reminder
Of how I used to be
Whole, complete
And with that one last breath
That last goodbye
All that's left of me
Is wreckage

Twist of Fate

Listen up love
I'll tell you a tale
About a guy and a girl
Who were destined to fail.
Destined to fail
Though destined to meet
T'was a strange twist of fate
That arrived at their feet.
Upon scanning the room
He had his heart set
On a girl he could see
And just hadn't met
Standing with friends
She had not a clue
That the smile she set loose
Would start something new.
Approaching her slowly
His mind on his prize
He imagined their future
When he looked in her eyes
Oblivious to love
Her eyes didn't see
The man that he was
Who he tried to be.
A meeting was forced
A bond soon created
They started as friends
Within weeks they had dated
Moving with haste
Their one became two
With being single
They both were through
They each fell in love
They both thought it true
But it was no happy end
It was all rather blue

New post, for a new year

Wow, it's been a while since I have been here. I actually haven't abandoned the place. (sorry if you're disappointed).

Life has been pretty hectic and to get an idea of the mayhem involved, head on over and have a read at my other blog (http://intothewildhurricane.blogspot.com/) but now I am back and getting settled and finally picking up the serious writing again. I never really stopped, just didn't seem to get anywhere for a while but I am back. So this is just a quick hello and heads up to say, happy 2011 and also that there will be new stuff coming real soon... I hope, like me, you are looking forward to it.

Until then my freaky darlings, you can find me on http://www.facebook.com/cluelessbimbo and on http://twitter.com/clueless_bimbo come have a look and don't forget to say hello.

Ciao xx

A Work in Progress

Suddenly
Sunrise shakes us
Hibernation, a dream.
Reality,
A disastrous darkness
Again you go and I
Don't want to love you.
Each morning I try
To break this
Noose you placed around me.
Without you, a minute or two
I'm tormented
Not sure I want to be free
Hold on to me
I can't take it, let go.
Frail, too fragile
In matters of the heart
I'm afraid that I am broken
In pieces you leave me
Daylight shines through
Shards of glass remains
If I had predicted this
I would have stopped it
At least I might have tried
But how do you stop the sun
Or force eternal night?
Midnight hour
Before morning breaks
I feel so happy
Fall freely
You catch me
Then comes the light
You leave
Feeling forgotten
Like you take it with you
To see you through the day
While on the floor I crash
The addict without a drug
Alone in this battle, a war
Heaven versus hell
If everyone could feel it
Would they embrace the day?
Maybe its just me
I don't know how to love
Maybe you can teach me
Will it consume me?
Is it something I can learn?
Will it just get harder?
If I don't try, will I die?
Why don't we start slow
Can't let go, I crave this
Misery
Remind me I'm alive
Melancholy
Tell me I'm not broken
Just unfinished

I'm your ghost

Moving around you,
air so light, floating freely
an apparition is what I am
holding onto your life.
How is it that you can’t see?
I need you to
I refuse to say goodbye
But I know I can’t stay here
Not yet, I can cling a little longer
Before the light pulls me away
Don’t cry, don’t give in.
I reach out my hand to you
so softly, I trace your face
You stare blankly,
drawn deep inside your pain
I know you can’t feel me
But I swear I saw a change
Faint recognition, a question lingering
On your mouth, in your mind
Is it just my own hope I see?
Close my eyes, breathe in and focus
project my thoughts to you
Lean in to you and whisper:
Always my love, forever my heart
Not even death can tear us apart
I raise up my head and see your eyes bright
with that smile on your lips, I walk into the light

Siren Song

You've got a hold on me
Enchanting, captivating, a siren
Voice of torturous heaven
Sweetest sound, alluring
Pulling me under, deep down
Reluctant, can't refuse, no choice
I tumble, spiral
Scared, it's out of control
Darkness envelops me,
Surrounded
can't hold my breath
Not strong enough.
Stop fighting, give in
Prepare for eternal night, death
But all I find is light
Love untainted
By confusion, madness, fear
I couldn't see it before
the past was my blindness
Then I heard you call me
My history erased
Memories wiped clean
Now every thing is clear
Who knew you'd be the one
The one to open my eyes,
make me see, make me feel

.... Alive!

It's all violence and Chess

Grumpy but gorgeous
Is what you used to call me,
Look how the tide has turned
You're the one to snap,
Attack without motive
Short, spiky bursts of violence
Venom follows soft,
sweet bubbles of love.
We collide
I want to hide and I'm frozen.
This place where I stand, quicksand
Drowning me slowly, pulls me down
Me, the queen that's unprotected
You, the knight I always dreamed of
So I stay, play the game
Check mate
Defeat,
Tastes a lot like blood these days.
I make the same damn moves
Don't seem to have a mind,
Not one that's mine completely
It’s filled with your excuses,
my wishes for a brand new day.
A day to begin and end the same
No anguish, no pain, no surprises
Without your love that kills me.
It comes around again
This time let's begin with hate
Maybe you should start,
I'll play along
For now, just a pawn.
Remember the rules, keep my focus
Each time round, pick up a little more,
My turn is coming, pretty soon
It'll be over. Only one
Will survive this horror story
Either way,
I'm the winner, I'll be free
Now for one last time
Let's play!

Untouchable

I find myself waiting
Just to hear your voice
Watch you walk in the room
A presence that steals my breath.
Imagine reaching out
Feel you, your skin
Your lips, locked with my own,
full of longing, hunger, desire
My pulse quickens at the thought
You've got my mind racing
No rationality, no reason
My feelings taking over
I try so hard to make a move
Attract your attention
You don't see me
Perhaps you don't care
Emotions exposed out on the table
An open book for all to read
To you, I'm invisible.
God, I'm so stupid sometimes
Baring my desire for all to see
Am I not enough?
What do I have to do? Name it
Anything for you, for your body
Your mind, your soul, I'm putty
For you to mould, sculpt me
Your instrument, your toy,
play me. Please
I need you, I'm spinning,
Control me, take me
I'm yours
How can you be so desirable
So vital to breathing?
When you're unapproachable, obscure
So untouchable
and so obviously uninterested in this girl

Wait for me

I’m leaving tonight
My heart is already out the door
It’s been far too long without you
Phone calls don’t seem enough anymore.
I remember when things were easier
When you were there always
Yet I never appreciated you
Like I do now distance is between us.

As I wait for my car
I think back to times long gone
Imagine your face, your eyes
You told me you loved me that day.
I smiled without saying a word
For I had loved you long before
When we were friends
Only friends, nothing more.

The day I left was dark
How I wished I could be free
As I looked at you one more time
And whispered ‘wait for me’.
It’s been a long road I’ve travelled
I never thought I’d get through
But things can only get better
Now I’m on my way back to you

Hall of mirrors

"Predators in a Maze" from the album 'Say no to the World' by LostAlone had me writing, writing, writing for hours and eventually, at some point during the night, the title of the song took on a whole new meaning in my head and this is the end result. So thank you to Steven, Alan and Mark for the inspiration through music... Enjoy!


Frozen,
a painting in time I stand
here, stretched across the room,
these mirrors speak the truth.
Showing times long gone, forgotten,
Unwanted, unwelcome visions
before me.
Blood, slaughter, ungodly acts
Moving movies of my past. Tormented
Tortured, remnants of my soul
scream, please, take them away
Someone release me, save me
From myself, but am I the one to fear?
Am I doomed to this repetition?
Every way I turn I see it,
I don't deserve mercy or forgiveness.
I've done unspeakable things.
I should be beaten, burned, sentenced to die.
But I remain, the ruin of an assassin
Cursed, condemned, forced to stay
Given a conscience, eternal damnation
I walk alone, lost and forlorn.