The voices inside

He's lost, confused
Has no-one to call, no-one to care.
He's searching, praying
For things he does not believe in.
He's breathing, in and out
Trying to control the angst.
He listens to voices, whispering
'You're no good, you deserve nothing'
Ripped apart and torn inside, yet...
He's living, surviving
Day by day.

Stay with me

Visiting hours are over, so I'm stuck here with my pain
Looking out the window, staring at the pouring rain.
I've only got a week left, and it better be real good
The doctors have been good to me, they've done all that they could.

I only wish I had more time, so I could fulfil all of my dreams
But I guess that God has chosen me, at random, it seems.
I ain't got no questions to ask him, and I dont want to know why
I only wonder where heaven is, if it's up there in the sky.
I'm sure that I'll be happy there, I'm sure that I'll have fun
I'm sure I'll grow to love it but I know I'll miss everyone.

Time is catching up quickly and I've been told to say goodbye
Im not ready to leave yet but I wont let it make me cry.
I'm finding it so hard, to let it all go
I'm packing my bags, but the one thing I know...

I'll no longer be alone!

Born to fight

They say we walk alone, that all humans are destined to walk alone. Sure, we cross paths with other people on our journey, we bond, we share lives with those we choose but we still walk alone.

Sometimes I feel alone. All the millions of people in this world with me yet I am one soul bound to this mortal coil ordained to see, hear, feel but never to truly connect with another, to stroll as a single being on this earth. Am I doomed to this? Can I change that if I wish it? I would like to think so.

Each of us has our moments of intimacy with another, each of us has touched another life but when we are facing our darkest moments, we all inevitably stand alone looking for a way out, trying to fight that which we cannot see, that thing that haunts our fears, dreams and memories.

So what can we do about it? Should we ignore it, pretend that of this, we know nothing? That is what some choose to do and continue to saunter through life never facing the truth. But; there are some; some people, some truly amazing people who face it and know that it can be beaten. They fight everyday and begin to spread the courage and valour that they have shown to those they meet.

I want to be one of those people, struggling with the same weaknesses but standing up to them, facing them, choosing to fight the darkness. Which will you be?

So many questions

They say “The heart wants what the heart wants” but what if your heart does not know? What if it is your mind that is confusing every thought and feeling swirling around inside you? How do you distinguish between the two? Is it possible or does guessing and hoping take its place?

“Time heals old wounds” they say, but what if it doesn’t? What if those old wounds, through time, just manifest into something new, something more powerful and dangerous?
So many questions but how can I answer them all? Do they even have answers?

Lately I have been having trouble sleeping. I have so much running through my mind and I cannot make it quiet. I miss the stillness that I used to know, just now it feels so busy and I am struggling. How can you make peace when you do not know what you are fighting?

How do you quiet a mind so busy, when the door has been removed, allowing those thoughts to run freely? I wish I knew how to answer my questions, I wish I knew how to find peace again. To feel and know somehow that everything will be okay. Maybe it is my faith and belief that is failing and maybe that is what I should be searching for.

When the time comes that we are tested, there are these magical and powerful things that we are supposed to carry around with us like love, hope and trust. These things are meant to help and see us through, to give us the strength to continue through each day even when it is difficult and it feels like all is lost. Do these things exist in me or have I closed that door whilst I have been trying to quiet the anguish inside?

What happens when all your thoughts, fears and emotions take over? It becomes a constant struggle to survive. An inner turmoil that threatens to overpower you at every turn. Is it stoppable? Can it be fought alone or do you then have to call on those magical and powerful things, long since forgotten to see you through?

I wish I had all the answers. I wish I could say that it is all going to be okay. I wish I could say these things but I can’t. I have closed the door to the room that holds these things and I am afraid that door will never open again.

Trials and tribulations...

Trials and tribulations and all the things we endure, new trouble, new feelings, a new consciousness, Everyday make me appreciate what you are, what you mean to me, so varied our daily lives, we excite one another....
Rousing looks, inspiring conversation, electrifying kisses, not once, not ever, becoming lifeless or tedious. With fire we gaze, with meaning we listen Ever yearning, longing to hear three words, still unspoken....
Believing them sincere and unconditional eternally. Incessant exchange of words, thoughts, feelings without obstacles, they cascade increasingly travelling freely, boundless, limitless and vast!

At night...

Have you ever woken from one of those dreams that bleed into reality and just not been able to shake of the uneasy, creepy feeling you are left with? It happens to me all the time and just when I settle down enough to get tired again, my mind begins to race. It's then that I have to turn that light back on, and write until I can no longer think. This is the result of one such night...

What Dreams May Come

In the deep and dark
dead of night,
when all the world
has lost it's light...
What dreams may come?

Lock all the doors
into bed I creep,
close my eyes
drift off to sleep...
What dreams may come?

Limitless and vast
or riddled with fear,
before I go
it won't be clear
What dreams may come...

Fangirls

I was inspired to write this one night when I was in Kyte. There were some very insane crazy people in there (what we call... fangirls) this came to mind.
What I actually find funny about this piece is that after I had written it, I found myself sympathising with the subject of the piece, who is so caught up in that world and has no way of controlling it (either because she doesn't know how or because she doesn't want to control it) People look down on her and people make fun of her... see for yourself

The Fangirl

There she sits impatiently
Biting her nails,
As she struggles to contain her desire.

She talks to people, tries to explain
But no-one understands,
Instead they mock her.

They don't realise, she is trapped,
Caught in an ever-expanding web
Its taken hold, but she will deny it.

At night she dreams
Obtaining the object she wants,
She craves it. It has to be hers.

She was once the innocent
But now she has turned
Unpredictable and dangerous, like a tidal wave.

They stay away, avoid the fallout
So she is alone, with only her dream
Can no-one help her? Is it too late?